HOW TO KILL YOUR BOSS
What is a boss?
A boss is a person who works for you. Towards providing you a means to keeping busy without actually working. To being an effective smokescreen between you and the management. To being the person who your friend can call up and inform that you will not be coming to work today because you have caught the rare Asiatic flu. To being the person you curse when you do not get an increment. In short, a boss is your punching bag while at office.
The simplest way of killing your boss is to become super efficient at your work. To anticipate his every thought and need, and to be there before he has had a chance to air the thought.
In all probability, this will insure that he goes into cardiac arrest. So much for that.
In case he is made of sterner stuff, you will need to go in for more drastic efforts. You have to learn and practice effective Time Management. I mean the boss’s time.
Always go to office late, and make sure he knows about it. This will lead to his starting the day on the right note for you – and the wrong note for him. Since you will always have a legitimate excuse for not being on time (in reality, you are going late to office because office starts half an hour too early), he will start the day in an irritated mood, leading to exceedingly bright chances of a physical collapse later in the day.
Of course, if by mischance he comes in late, tell him his boss had peeped in and wanted to know why he was late.
Dump minor problems in your boss’s lap. Keep going to your boss with every problem you can think of, from the quality of the bond paper used in the office to the lack of paper clips when you most need them. Don’t give him too much time to think for himself.
Never be on time for meetings. Very effective to increase his blood pressure and eventually give him ulcers. If you happen to be running a meeting, forget to have the minutes of the last meeting typed out, and make sure your pen runs out of ink. Insist that meetings be held first thing in the morning, so that they can be stretched out, to avoid doing any real work for the rest of the day.
Keep the phones as busy as possible. Talk to all your friends and relatives all the time, so that (a) no one can make any important outgoing calls (b) no one can get in touch with your office for business. In case someone does manage to get through, keep them on hold (most lines have automatic call waiting these days) while you can finish the important call to your friend about which movie you are going to see today. Or tomorrow. Or next week.
Talk a lot. An office can become too efficient if everybody is working quietly without disturbance. This would undoubtedly lead to a feeling of contentedness and well being for the boss. Keep talking so there is a constant hum and chatter, and so that nobody does any real work – keep the work pending till the lunch hour, when no one works anyway, or for the last half hour of office, when everyone is distracted about going home.
If your office is computerised, you can device other means for the demise of your boss. Send him lengthy junk mail on his e-mail, so that his e-mail slot gets clogged, and he is not able to get any real messages. If you are trying to send e-mail to clients or customers, never be to the point, and always send long, rambling messages. This will result in the happy situation that whenever that client or customer manages to get through to the boss, he/she is yelling at the boss – leading to severe migraine. Or a change of job for him.
Be a perfectionist. Never finish any task he gives you because it is never perfect enough – always keep on improving it. When he losses his temper – blame him for a bad job done.
Take breaks while you work – as many as you legitimately can. And keep your sick leaves pending for the times when you really need them – like when your boss is struggling to meet a particularly difficult deadline, and needs all his staff to be rallying around – even you.
In about a month’s time, the boss will start going around under a permanent thundercloud, eventually leading to the desired result – dead or missing.
Posted under Articles from Jobnet Magazine
This post was written by admin on June 11, 2010
