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WHEN DOES THIS CITY WORK ?

Or A Year In The Life Of Mr. Findout, Recruitment Consultant

Or Reminiscences of a retired placement consultant of the pre-email era.

By Arun.

Mr. Findout is just your ordinary man on the road. (these days every second man on the road is a recruitment consultant). Mr. Findout (hereinafter referred to as just Mr. F ), is a very busy recruitment consultant.

What is he busy about, we wondered? We decided to find out. We asked him.

Mr. F is a very meticulous man. He has a record of all his activities duly entered in various files and registers. (Mr. F still does not have an Electronic diary. We wondered why. After going through his records, we stopped wondering why).

Anyway, Mr. F. allowed us to go through his records. Here is an extract-

MAY – JUNE

1.ABC Company. Two candidates under consideration. Total value Rs.1,00,000/-. Could not get final interview dates, since telephone lines were down. (MCD had dug up the road, and thieves had come and stolen the cables, and the phones were expected to be working by 12 ‘o’ clock tomorrow. For the past fifteen days).

2. EFG Company. Four candidates under consideration. Anticipated billing only Rs.15,000/-.

(God, if this works out, I will not worry about the office rent; I will go to Simla for a holiday. Just let it work out. Please?)

3. PQR Company. Trying to get appointment with Personnel Manager. Down with viral fever, poor chap. (Down for the last 7 days. I do hope it’s not too serious. Seems Delhi viruses read the book War of The Worlds. And take it seriously. They are practicing on us poor Delhi’ites. Waiting for the Martians. Someone should tell them that the Martians will be landing in Washington.(No chance of coming to Delhi).

4. XYZ Company. Yay! got a placement. Chap joining at a gross salary of Rs.10,000. (Let me see, 40% for my contact in the company, 20% for the Personnel Manager. Leaves me with…let me see… ah, Rs.4000/-. Should be able to cover the expenses for the next 15 days. Great.)

JULY – SEPTEMBER

1. ABC Company. Finally got appointment for candidates. Candidates out of station. Summer holidays. Needed a break. Or something. Anyway, convinced client to wait.

2. EFG Company. No decision. Personnel Manager had to go for a Seminar on some HRD something being held at III Institute. With lunch thrown in. Must be lousy lunch. How will the organisers get their profits otherwise?

Anyway, recruitments delayed. Personnel Manager’s seminar is followed by Annual Sales & Marketing meet of the company. In Goa. Three days. You think they’ll give ME a job if I ask nicely?

3. PQR Company. MD’s daughter getting married. (No, no, this is not a LALA company. It is a true blue MNC. (Me No Catch… anyone for a decision). All hands busy helping out. After all, this year may be the lucky year (see January-April point 2). Bosses comments on the ACR may swing things… I may actually buy a Maruti this year… ANYWAY, MD’s daughter getting married, everybody busy.

4. XYZ Company. Gave bill. Accountant says auditing time. No payments to be made. Everybody busy.

OCTOBER – DECEMBER

1. ABC Company. Candidates back, eager to attend interview. Personnel Manager busy with THE FESTIVAL SEASON IN DELHI. Y’know, gift distribution, sweetmeats distribution, (why can’t I ever be on anyone’s distribution list? Last I received a gift in the festival season was way back in ’60, last time my parents celebrated my birthday).

2. EFG Company. – ditto.

3. PQR Company. – ditto.

4. XYZ Company. – ditto.

(We assume that Mr. F meant to tell us that the holiday season in Delhi is taken as seriously as the holiday season in the rest of the world – VERY SERIOUSLY.)

JANUARY – APRIL

1. ABC Company. Stupid candidates. Found themselves other jobs. This younger generation, no patience at all. Didn’t they know what a GOOD company this was? is? Anyway, trying to fix up with more candidates. Personnel Manager down with viral fever. Change of season. What pollution, maan. If it wasn’t for the business, I swear I would shift to Nainital, or something.

2. EFG Company. Shhh…! man, annual appraisal time. Personnel Manager busy in making out increments for the whole company. Rest of the company waiting with bated breath. (Happens every year. Rumours fly thick. Most of them floated by personnel department. Everyone expects high increments. Big plans. No work. Then, pssssssss……Standard increment for everyone. Everyone threatens to leave. No one actually leaves. It’s like the slot machines in Las Vegas. Maybe the next year, we might actually get an increment…)

3. PQR Company. Personnel Manager quit. Waiting for replacement. I’m sure something will work out as soon as the new person joins. (I wonder who placed the new manager?).

4. XYZ Company. Nice guy, accountant. Apologised for not releasing payment. He couldn’t, you know. Was busy in the admissions for his child. IT is four year’s old. Horrible. (not the child. the education system). Couldn’t they have at least allowed the poor man a few days respite to release my payment? I don’t think I’ll ever get married. Or anyway, have kids. At least, I won’t stay in Delhi if I have kids…after all, mom does want me to get married. It could be fun. I CAN TAKE OFF, AND TELL ALL THOSE__CANDIDATES I’M BUSY.)

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STOP PRESS – Mr. Findout  was last heard to have gone into the Real Estate business.

STOP STOP PRESS – we would definitely have thought of a better title for this report, but our editor was busy. She has gone for her summer holidays. With a female boss, you just can’t win!!

Copyright © 2011, Jobnet magazine, issue 154

Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine

Posted under Articles from Jobnet Magazine

The Placement Industry India

Will anyone be able to catch the placement industry by the Jugular? When, so far, no one has been able to find it? Wow!
I must admit that a few other things took me by surprise while I was compiling the next edition of Jobnet’s Directory Of Recruitment Firms.
Firstly, the old cliche ‘Survival of the Fittest’ is not applicable here and secondly, never was any industry so underestimated in its power to survive.
What keeps rankling is the thought that why does everyone keep talking about the placement industry needing a common platform? Placement agencies themselves admit to a lack of organised systems and controls in their trade. Is it a weakness? Or maybe the strength of the placement industry today lies in their lack of organisation?
Perhaps all this arises because one is uncomfortable if one cannot identify the jugular, or even catch a whiff of a pulse.
I guess it gets uncomfortable if one has no ghost of an idea on how to encash on a bunch of people who collectively represent such a large mass. The government wants to enforce laws and taxes. Most job websites have become placement firms, and now expect their competitors to collaborate or pay up. The newspapers and magazines promise visibility without commitment in accuracy in catering to specific needs. So why does it come as a surprise to everyone if, under the circumstances, no one in the placement industry can be convinced to part with their money?
The more I see of it, I’m impressed. Placement consultants march to their own drummers. The extreme competitiveness with each other has produced a new breed of entrepreneurs like no other. Perhaps it’s time to look at the placement industry at its face value rather than the colour of its collar.
It’s like that old game of trying to pin the tail on the donkey blindfold. It’s easy to guess who gets to have the last laugh.

Copyright © 2009, Jobnet magazine
Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine.

Posted under Articles by Lima Sehgal, Research by Jobnet