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BOOBS!

Lima Sehgal

How do we know that there are intelligent species in the universe?  The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is the fact that they have never tried to contact us.

Seriously, this is not a joke. Many eminent scientists also hold this opinion.

There could be many reasons why we are being avoided.

Perhaps because no intelligent extraterrestrial will be impressed by our Design Engineer (who incidentally has chosen to remain non – contactable ever since). Take the male human body as an example: where else can we find a waste pipeline constructed to run through a recreational area!

There are other reasons as well.

Carl Sagan, who played a major role in the Mariner, Viking and Voyager exploratory expeditions to new  planets stated  that ‘Overall the most pervasive and noticeable source of radio transmissions from the earth is our television programming . Because the earth is turning, some television stations will appear at one horizon of the earth while others disappear over the other. There will be a confused jumble of programmes. Even these might be sorted out and pieced together by an advanced civilization on a planet of a nearby star. The most frequently repeated messages will be station call signals and appeals to purchase detergents, deodorants, headache tablets, and automobile and petroleum products……. (Also speeches of presidents, in times of crises.). The mindless contents of commercial television and the integuments of international crises and the internecine warfare within the human family are the principal messages about life on earth we choose to broadcast to the cosmos. What must they think of us?”

Perhaps we will get nicknamed across the galaxy as the BOOBS.

And rightly so. Voluptuous breasts is the soul of all we broadcast.

Voluptuous breasts — we use them to sell diapers, which is a very good idea considering the target audience. We also use them to sell internet connections, chocolate, bio-degradable waste systems and music. No movie will sell without them. Be it a cricket match or cartoon show, breasts are flashed in every commercial at regular intervals. I do hope some others sitting some light years away also consider it as profound as we do.

Or at least enjoy it.

But I doubt it. We are boring because every new good idea becomes repetitive and every repetitive idea sounds good (to us). And what is good for us we repeat forever.

We always liked sex. And we still like sex. But because of the pressures of our social evolution which has created  the need to form a  long term relationship with a mate for child rearing purposes we developed the solution for it – Voyeurism. The popular sport of non – participatory sexual activity, which our entire population enjoys. Wow! Enjoy with your mate or (without fear!) with your kids or family. Actors and actresses specially hired to enact sexual sequences for us. The thrills of attraction, romance, courtship, sex, marital and extramarital bliss — all at the touch of your remote control (without being remote at all!) Or perhaps watch, read or listen thru other mediums.  Titillation is good but sex thru proxy is even better, so say our birth control experts.

So, if some high school extra terrestrial student from some unknown planet is answering a test paper on us which asks “ Where is Silicon Valley ?” It would reply with confidence “Pamela Anderson.”

Copyright © 2011, Jobnet magazine, issue 108

Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine

Posted under Articles by Lima Sehgal

The Sexual Olympiads!

Lima Sehgal

Sex I am told was invented only around two billion years ago. Before that we had to depend on the slow process of genetic instructions being carried out letter by letter and on the accumulation of random mutations.

Every new generation has improved this exchange process of DNA with great enthusiasm. That is because the new young entrants are genetically tuned to short – cuts. It is important to realize this fact so that we can stop spending good research money in analyzing why our children respond to us in monosyllables .

Abridged is the DNA revolution. (With rather pleasant consequences).

If sex was our shortcut to genetic information exchange, why can’t we invent another equally magnificent one for non-genetic exchange?

Why do we insist that learning must be so tedious? And why do we believe that developmental abilities are directly correlated to the amount of nonsense one has to wade through to get to the point?

Take this example of elementary mathematics. (Quote from Mathematics for class VI by NCERT India.) . Problem – “ In a morning walk, three persons step off together. Their steps measure 80 cm 85 cm and 90 cm, respectively. What is the minimum distance each should walk so that all can cover the distance in equal steps”. The same can be used as an exercise in grammatical mistakes but we will ignore that).This is mathematics, the same that we learnt as The Profound philosophy of the LCM and the HCF. (Kids are careful to delete it from their systems the moment the exams are over That with the other stuff that we insist is good for them)

Shakespeare would be no less sweet if Romeo got to the point faster. And apples would still fall the same whether Isaac Newton explained in one word or a whole branch of science.

Education has a point, but the ones who are getting educated rarely get to see it.

So how did this happen to us? When we were smart enough to invent sex how did we land up with such complexities that are forced down through our educational system?

Its simple once we see the motives in broad daylight instead hiding under a bushel. Even simpler if we unwrap the wraps!

Ultimately all roads led to Rome, in the olden days and in modern times they lead, home. But to be precise the purpose of all education according to the modern educational experts is aimed in attracting a mate. Just like it always was since time immemorial.

Which was never easy. Only the nature of hurdles keep changing. The caveman needed only his brute force So did the cavewoman, So probably the matter of impressing a mate could be decided nicely, by just flexing the muscle in question. Today, choosing a mate involves different parameters. Its more hi tech and global.

But then how does one make a choice? The brawn definitely counts, but when competition steps in the brain can be just as crucial . Definitely I would choose the man who is smart – The educated one . The one who knows that the big bang theory of the cosmos is not about sex …Or I would be really impressed by his control over the bull and the bears of the stock market. Or …

Knowledge becomes a major factor in choosing a mate for both men as well as women.

This is the kind of conversation one would expect between two educated like minded man and woman :

Man : Would you like me to invite you to my apartment to examine my Hypotenuse?

For those of you who belong to the under educated masses, the hypotenuse of a right triangle is the triangle’s longest side, i.e., the side opposite the right angle. The word derives from the Greek hypo- (“under”) and teinein (“to stretch”).

And the educated woman would say :Of course. As long as my catheti or cathetus if you please, remains Gegenkathete.

Reference for the under educated A leg of a right triangle (i.e., a side adjacent the right angle) is also known as a cathetus (plural: catheti). While this usage is rather rare in English, the terms Ankathete (on-cathetus) and Gegenkathete (opposite-cathetus) are in common usage, is German to denote the legs adjacent to and opposite the (non-right) angle in question, respectively.

In general, a cathetus is a line falling perpendicularly on a surface or another line. In particular, this branch of mathematical reasoning can be rather titillating.

Viva la Education!

Our education is our trade secret of impressing the opposite sex. But there are other good uses for it. A good complex educational system also keeps the competition at bay by keeping them busy and confused..

Yes, we are smart. We know that competition always comes from behind (And I am not only talking about gays!). All our educational systems are aimed at keeping our younger generation ,our virulent competitors in the sexual arena busy with a focus furtherest away from the nether regions.

The animal kingdom accepts and respects a young adult as a competitor. We on the other hand wish to control our competition by prolonging the developmental phase. We must recognize our aggressive urges for control. Zoologist Desmond Morris says “if we are to understand the nature of our aggressive urges, we must see them against the background of our animal origins.”

Ever notice how the educational demands increase with age and become overwhelming exactly during adolescence? Exactly the time when a kid becomes a competitor in the sexual arena. So it does make sense if they are preoccupied with memorising about the origin of life thru the Ordovician, Silurian , Jurassic periods while we do a HA, HA, HA on them because we know exactly how many minutes it takes with a partner in bed !

However exciting the game, to win one must look beyond the marathon and definitely beyond the line and length. Oops that’s about cricket, a different ball game altogether.

And that does not mean that I will ever go back to school again. You see now I am much more smarter than you think!

Copyright © 2011, Jobnet magazine, issue 108

Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine

Posted under Articles by Lima Sehgal

Faking is most progressive.It has been linked to the development of the neocortex. Those who faked well got better deals and survived and passed on their survival arts. Those who didn’t, also survived but slogged their lives for the other lot.

The Good Fake

Lima Sehgal

Thou Shalt not get Caught, is the commandment that got added as the Eleventh, and one wonders how that one got missed both by Moses as well as Charlston Heston!

Faking it is not the prerogative of only the Indian army who did a pretty good job of filming fake enemy kills in the Siachen. (Bollywood is trembling at the competition I am told). But any conscientious employee in any other profession would do it. Not only does it make a contribution where there is none, but it also makes one’s organization look like a great contributor when it is not. Now, doesn’t that sound like a winning proposition! Enron made a multinational business out of it, when they cooked up their account books so good that even they could not keep track of how good they were. Which unfortunately for them became equivalent to crossing the Laxman Rekha.

Not everyone can be an expert like our first Lady, Eve. Most of us acquire the talent through the process of learning. She not only started the tradition which made her the icon of our future she also demonstrated a lot of style. Remember that old story?

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God… “Lord, I have a problem!”

“What’s the problem, Eve?”

“Lord, I know you’ve created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I’m just not happy.”

“Why is that, Eve?” came the reply from above.

“Lord, I am lonely. And I’m sick to death of apples.”

“Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you.”

“What’s a ‘man’, Lord?”

“This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly.

All in all, he’ll give you a hard time. But, he’ll be bigger, faster and more muscular than you. He’ll also need your advice to think properly. He’ll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about, hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack.”

“Sounds great,” says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. “What’s the catch, Lord?”

“Yeah, well…. you can have him on one condition.”

“What’s that, Lord?”

“You’ll have to let him believe that I made him first.”

With the progress of technology, faking as an art has become much more evolved. And ever since we have gone virtual, it makes us far removed, which in turn makes us much braver. Definitely it is here to stay and spread. And anyone who gets moralistic and calls a virtue a virus is suffering from either a mental delusion or a spelling handicap!

And you must tell them that faking is most progressive.

It has been linked to the development of the neocortex. Those who faked well got better deals and survived and passed on their survival arts. Those who didn’t, also survived but slogged their lives for the other lot.

As simple as that.

It is part and parcel of us through the ages. In nature be it a flower, plant or insect or any thing else , the parasitic ones are more evolved, they sweat the least. They are also more colorful for that matter!

The same applies to humans. The parasitic are the cream of skimmed milk. They are there everywhere – housewives better qualified than their husbands who refuse to work towards breadwinning , hiding under the mantle of home neglect as an excuse, the married youth with kids who wont relocate for a job to another city because he lives with parents who feed (Oops , sorry ) need him, the efficient manager whose sales report convinces his boss that the new product will not work because, marketing it demands a competence that he doesn’t have — and the list goes on.

Today there is an urgent need for parasitic skills to reach new heights. Especially when there is fierce competition which has to be met by delivering, creating, and innovating at the macro level and at the micro level also — someone has to pay the bills, meet the targets, make the school project, stand in the queue, feed the cat etc.

Which basically implies that Our Hosts need to be made to work harder. They are the ones who must create, think and contribute. They are the ones on whose table the buck must be made to stop, who must take risks on our behalf and must be made to take the axe for us. And we must not be like Rats deserting a sinking ship. That would be idiotic. You don’t compromise the host – not if you want to survive.

The issues are not only about compromising our host — but worse. We are sometimes not even able to effectively identify a suitable host.

Take this example. Nichiren Daishonin, the 13th century Buddhist scholar stated that ‘no one becomes rich by just counting his neighbors’ money’. But looking at modern trends, no one is quite convinced. We believe we can if only we convince him to part with a little to us. But it doesn’t work unless we do some classwork. Every neighbour was on my heel with Avon, so fiercely that even I started believing in my non existent wealth. (I still am looking for it).

And so are they. So what is the use?

What is strongly needed today is an international organisation to protect the ecology. The only reason it is not being formed is the reluctance towards calling a parasite a parasite!

Copyright © 2011, Jobnet magazine, issue 112

Republication or dissemination of the contents of this article are expressly prohibited without the written consent of the publishers of Jobnet magazine

Posted under Articles by Lima Sehgal

How Unemployment Affects Your Sex Life

Jobnet Magazine

Four months after Arvind, an engineer, lost his job he became moody and argumentative. He and his wife quarreled frequently. Because they had always enjoyed an active sex life, they sometimes patched things up in bed following a quarrel.

After eight months without a job, however, the marital bed was no longer a pleasurable meeting place for the couple. He didn’t want sex. He felt glum, dispirited, worthless. Without actually saying so, he felt he could no longer perform effectively, either in or out of bed. The problem of being unemployed had impaired his virility.

Arvind’s story is far from unusual. Serious problems-losing one’s job, illness, death in the family, severe financial setbacks – can create anxiety, insecurity, agitation, and depression. These feelings have a powerful impact on one’s sex life. The reason: Sex itself is so emotional.

Mental health experts say it’s almost impossible to predict just how a crisis will affect one’s sexual pattern. When something unhappy takes place, the person involved may withdraw sexually. Or, for short periods, that person may actually become much more sexually active. It all depends on the person, the situation, and the marital relationship.

The job-loss experience is common to many people. It’s tremendously unsettling, especially to a man. His main or only source of income is gone. But that’s only part of the reason he’s likely to react with negative emotion.

The famous explorer of the mind, Sigmund Freud, said that work is central to one’s existence. A presentday expert states that in our society working or earning a living is one way a man has of showing that he’s manly. Ancient man could bring in a freshly killed carcass. But today a man can bring home a good pay check as a positive symbol of his strength.

Thus, when a man can no longer do this, he’s likely to be hit hard emotionally. He’s likely to begin doubting himself and his masculinity. And it’s such doubts that can change his sex life, temporarily or otherwise.

Two Opposite Reactions

Consider two other men who, like Arvind, lost good jobs. One, Amit, reacted by feeling very sorry for himself. He was depressed, lost – he reacted like a little boy. What he wanted from his wife was comfort. Vigorous sexual intercourse was the last thing on his mind. In bed he merely wanted to feel his wife’s warm body close to his in a kind of sexual “cuddling.” The desire to be held, comforted, and cuddled is common among people who are depressed.

But Shankar, the other victim, reacted differently. He began to drink heavily and proposition girls at parties and other social gatherings. His need was clear: To prove himself sexually with women, since he could no longer prove his manliness as a breadwinner. With his marriage going to pieces, he finally sought professional help. “He was constantly walking around with an erection as a way of reassuring himself,” comments the social worker who counseled him.

Shankar reversed himself after some time. He went from extreme sexual activity to a complete loss of interest in sex. What had happened was that losing his job made him feel terribly depressed. For a time, by drinking and frantically picking up women, he could hide that depression. He could pretend that it didn’t exist. But inevitably, it came to the surface.

Unhappy life experiences are not the only kind that bring on stress and depression. Dr. P.H. Blachly of the University of Oregon Medical School notes that success, too, can make one feel blue. The reason? Success brings changes in one’s accustomed way of living, and these changes can seem very threatening.

Good Marriage Helps

If there are secure bonds of love between the two spouses, nothing serious is apt to happen to their sex life. But if the couple’s relationship is generally unstable – for example, strong resentments beneath the surface – the outcome will be different. In that case, sexual relations between the two partners will suffer.

Consider Sridhar, whose business reverses left him in a financial crisis, which hit him hard. He viewed himself as a failure, a man not capable of measuring up. He showed it at work, where he became hesitant in making decisions. And he showed it at home, in the bedroom.

Fortunately for Sridhar, his marriage was a happy one. His wife understood what he was going through and sympathized. His sexual failures weren’t as shattering as they might have been; they could talk about the problem openly, and she was understanding. In time he bounced back and things returned to normal. In fact, having lived through this period of stress, Sridhar and his wife became closer.

When long-standing conflict exist in a marriage, such stories often do not end happily. If Sridhar’s marriage had been shaky, his poor sexual performance could have prompted his wife to retaliate. Reacting to previous injustices he may have inflicted on her, she could have condemned or made fun of him. And this would have set up a vicious cycle: The more the husband’s sexual abilities are impaired, the more his wife scorns him; the more she scorns him, the less able he is to function sexually. Marriage counselors often see couples caught in that unhappy trap.

Most couples have little to worry about. Preoccupation and depression are natural reactions to stress, which most likely will affect one’s sex life. In time, as the crisis passes or adjustments are made, all such reactions are apt to wane. They will vanish more quickly if the two partners are mutually understanding; they will become more serious if one or both parties cast blame or ridicule.

If stress creates really troublesome changes in a couple’s sex life, what then? The experts advise further action. After three months or so, the couple should see a reputable counselor or psychotherapist.

sex, unemployment

Posted under Research by Jobnet