The Common Sense Way to Reduce Stress
“What? One can manage stress in simple ways, and that too commonsensically? Rubbish! Then you don’t have the problems I have,” said a friend who was visiting me and saw me working on the title.
I told him that it is a fact that I am almost completely stress free. And whatever stress I still have left is due to old and stupid habits, which I have yet to overcome even at 57. I am still learning and I hope to keep on learning till my days are over. A normal person can conquer stress up to 96% -this is Fact No. 1.
Fact No. 2 centers on what Bertrand Russell said in The Conquest of Happiness. “Animals are happy so long as they have health and enough to eat. Human beings ought to be, but in the modern world they are not, at least in a great majority of cases.” Now, is this not common sense? That is, if we have good health, enough to eat, a house –shouldn’t we be happy and stress free? Unfortunately, we are not! We are unhappy and anxious.
For years, though I am not a religious man, I have been saying one minute prayers like this, “Dear God, give me health, wisdom, opportunities to serve and courage. I have everything which I need. I do not need what I don’t have. Thank you, oh God.” I never ask Godjee for “conventional favours” because I don’t want to be selfish in my one minute prayers, and do not want to be disappointed either. I want to keep on giving positive strokes to my mind – which is the fountainhead of happiness or stress. This way, I always have mental happiness, at least 96%.
Fact No. 3 is that the heart doesn’t have anything to do with stress, at least not directly. The heart is a muscle, which keeps on pumping blood, wagon loads per day. The heart is busy every second and therefore has no “luxury” to worry about stress or happiness. The poets have given wrong notions about the heart; it is not the seat of happiness or unhappiness. It is an organ which is designed to give excellent service throughout life. But it does get “hurt” when other organs like mind, stomach, legs, liver, kidneys and others do not do their jobs properly.
I have been able to manage my stress beautifully through talking to myself–as often as ten times a day!
First, through self–thinking and self–reinforcing, I have built my own self–respect in my mind. I “almost” don’t worry what people–my bosses, my relations, my friends and colleagues–think about me. I am what I am and so be it! No one can ever insult me. Whenever anyone tries to do so, I take the story of the old salesman and new salesman from my mental video library and flash it on my mental screen. The story in brief is this: “A new recruit bursts into a veteran sales manager’s office complaining that he was insulted by the dealer when he visited him as he was not shown the normal business courtesies. The old man was amused, and told the young colleague that in his case he had been virtually kicked out of dealerships, but never ever had he been insulted!”
The secret is to know your job exceedingly well. And to keep on learning, keep on reading, keep on updating and to accept gracefully whenever you have slipped badly. When you admit genuinely–from your head and your eyes and your tone–that, yes, I am below expectations, you will not only be forgiven but will be professionally respected. Dare to try. You will be surprised. You will realize your fears are only “What if…” fears!
I have seen in life that things have to go on. I have seen people who have done very well, even when their parents died early or they were not well enough or in other circumstances. Success depends solely upon a person’s own mental make–up and how he or she prepares for life.
Our mind is like an acre of land in which we can grow happiness or we can grow stress. Unfortunately, it is human nature or tendency to grow stress if efforts are not made to plant your own “seeds” (SEEDS stands for Stories, Examples, Exhibits, Demonstrations, Sayings) of happiness. Just like a piece of land, unless tilling, seeding, watering, fertilizing, weeding is done as required, we are sure to get weeds! Happiness is harvest, stress is weeds.
Our mind is a thoughts factory. All it does is manufacture thoughts and more thoughts, hundreds of them every thirty minutes, round the clock. This is a fact. We have to realize that it can manufacture good thoughts or lousy (stressful) thoughts. Only you can decide which thoughts to manufacture–good ones or lousy ones. Those who want to be happy force their minds to produce good thoughts and those who want to be stressful force their minds to “give” stressful thoughts. Yes, it’s true, very true! How? Because the latter are under some wrong impressions; they are mixed up in regard to their priorities. They have not thought through as to what their goals are under the circumstances. They have not decided their exact destination and therefore they keep changing roads, even direction, and are usually worried about not going fast enough. So, often they find themselves on the wrong road, going in the wrong direction and become stressful! They want to go to Lahore but are on the road to Peshawar!
Let us take two farmers, each of whom has an acre of land. Let us assume farmer Santa does what he and his ancestors have been doing for ages. By contrast, farmer Banta is always visiting and talking to the professors at the agricultural university, and thinking and doing. Who will be better off? Our Banta Singh!
The same applies to Ravi and Vijay. If Ravi allows his mind to be bombarded with negative thoughts through TV, Video, Newspapers, negative friends, that will be his “BIBO,” i.e. bad ideas in and bad ideas out! Vijay does what farmer Banta Singh does, and will succeed on the basis of GIGO, i.e. good ideas in and good ideas out.
Do you want to reduce your stress and strain in simple ways? If so, frequently ask yourself the question: Is it necessary? Do I really have to have it? Make this a habit. You will be a happier man, like I am!
For example, is this trip necessary? Do you have to make the trip or could you use the phone, parcel, post or mail it? Or maybe someone else can do it almost as well. “Almost” is very important. Yes, you can do everything better, maybe far better, but is it worth it? Life is a series of trade–offs! Life is adjustments! There are many places I do not go to; in this way my social circle is getting smaller. But I have less stress. Therefore, I am trading my larger social circle for reduced stress. Fine with me. I now do more of those things, which I like more, such as spending more time with my family, reading and writing. I also have more time to think the thinkables as well as unthinkables–the rainbows, the snows, the fantasies and whatever else makes one happy. Period.
Think Time and Stress
When do you think about how to reduce stress? Maybe you don’t–then you are in the company of many, many people!
Why not change it, even now, and start using your think time to reduce stress? What is think time, anyway? Well, anytime that you have “nothing” to do, like while traveling, before going to sleep, while getting up, shaving, in between tasks, and so on. Personally I find using my think times a good way to reduce stress.
This is what I do. Mentally, I list down what is crowding my mind. Sometimes I write it down. Then I calculate mentally what I can do and what I cannot do. I have a “go and no go” device, like quality control people have, in my mind which tells me, buddy, this will give you happiness and this will give you stress. Then I ask, how much of each? Then I superimpose extraneous considerations on the stress-involved activities, such as pressure from my wife, children, colleagues, friends and relations. Again, in stress-related activities, I calculate which trade–offs are possible. I try to reduce stress damage as much as possible during my think time. I manage to squeeze out several think times during the day, including during sleep. Then I use my third eye–Shivjee’s eye–and my sub –conscious mind.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am neither intelligent nor stupid. I simply like to use common sense to reduce my stress. Over the years, I have become less stressful. Earlier I used to spend 60 to 120 minutes tossing in my bed before I could sleep; now I am off sometimes in as little as six minutes. I keep my mind uncluttered and decongested of whatever I do not need; I want to meet my needs and not my greeds. I use the wastebasket a lot both in my office and at home. In my office I use what may be the largest wastepaper basket in the world, a 100 litres PVC drum that is under my side table. Any paper, which I don’t need now or may not need later, I “file” there, in file No 13 or pass it on to my friends or colleagues. These are my one-second think times!
I also empty my mind several times a day of whatever I don’t need or things which, if stored, will hurt me later. Sometimes visitors, even friends, intentionally and unintentionally say things they may or may not mean, but which hurt me. At night before sleeping we empty our pockets. I empty my mind also, and this think time is very useful.
Remember, thinking is as natural as breathing. You don’t breathe when it is stinking… so don’t think when it is “stinking” around you! Speaking (golden tongue) and writing (golden pen) are not very difficult if you give these activities enough of your think time.
Using your think time can help you in many ways. You have plenty of think times and the mind to control it to make you stressfree. Etch on the screen of your mind that no man or woman is always fortunate. Each one of us is like a wheel, which revolves, and different shades of fortunate and unfortunate emerge and dissolve, all the time. So on one can be fortunate always. It is wise to remember “It shall pass”–good and bad luck. So, during your luck periods, enjoy your good fortune, no bitching and no complaining. And during your bad period, keep on saying to yourself “It shall pass, it shall pass,” and by God it will pass.
Whenever I feel stress coming, I think of the times when I was on top of the world after my USA trip with my wife, after 30 days of a super winning incentive holiday as the leader of a group of dealers, and my blues melt away. Over the years I have collected 30 such gold medals! And if by force of habit I do compare, I compare with friends I know who have not been even to Gurgaon or Goregaon on company expense! Worse, I have some friends who do not even get their paychecks regularly.
What to do? Now I have learnt that if I have to compare, I must compare with myself–what I am today with what I was yesterday, last week, last month, last year, last decade, and so on. Further, I must compare myself with my potential, with what opportunities I got, taking into consideration my constraints, circumstances and environment over years.
So to be stressfree, stop comparing, and if you must compare then compare with your potential. If you must compare with others, compare with those below you to get the confidence, and only when you have the required maturity, compare with those above you, keeping in mind that if you aim for the stars, you may not quite get them but you won’t come up with mud either. This kind of comparison can create a healthy challenge, not to increase your stress but to increase your self –satisfaction level, and thus happiness.
Time and Stress
There are plenty of things you can do that will give you enough time to be stressfree.
Some things can be accomplished indirectly, others can be clumped together for more efficient handling. Some things should not be done at all! Any activity is translatable into time. Activities can thus be “time stealers” or “time conservers”. It is not exactly that black and white; there are several shades of grey in between.
You have to be conscious of what you want to achieve in the time available. You can feel lousy trying to “stuff” your time with so many useful and useless activities. You have to learn to say yes or no, and keep on fine–tuning till you achieve a 90% stressfree condition–that is, the nirvana stage:
Here are a few common time stealers:
1. Frequent meetings… there is no agenda.
2. Not to be a good chairman of the meeting.
3. Too many interruptions to yourself and others.
4. Not giving detailed instructions to your people.
5. Not taking timely decisions.
6. Statistics collection… too much is counterproductive.
Greed and Stress
There is a very close connection between the two. Greed can come in terms of time, i.e. trying to do too many things in a limited amount of time. Hurry and curry are both unfavourable factors for the heart.
Dr. Naresh Trehan, cardiothoracic surgeon and head of the Escorts Heart Institute and Research Centre, put it very nicely when asked, “Isn’t your hectic schedule against all that doctors normally recommend?” He replied, “This is one of the biggest misconceptions going around. Stress occurs when you have to deal with things that don’t sit right with your mind. Constructive work is soothing… I have my most relaxed moments in the operation theatre when I am totally at peace with myself. Working hard never killed anybody, but too much leisure often does. For example, I have a mindboggling lecture and teaching schedule this month but I would get stressed if I cut back on some of the commitments as I would feel that I am not doing all that I am capable of”.
He continued, “It is also very important that people have the ability to switch off when they leave their workplace. Every five or six weeks one should just take 2-3 days off. It helps you put things into focus. And please underline this: pay your taxes. This is essential for cardiac care. Any greed is the heart’s biggest enemy!”
Money and Stress
If you had plenty of money, maybe you would have less stress. Sounds very logical. But practically, no!
As far as money is concerned, certainly your stress may be less if you have plenty of it. Now, there are two ways to have plenty of money, either earn it or inherit it Both ways can cause lots of stress. Earning money is very difficult, and to inherit money you have to be lucky. In both some “strings” are attached! With money, one has to differentiate between needs and greeds. Needs can be met with money, greeds cannot be met with money! It’s the same with time.
What is the better way? Again, the common sense way is to decrease your demands! Yes, it’s difficult, but not impossible. If you train your mind to think that way, you will be surprised at the outcome. Over the years, I have been able to attain it to a fairly good extent. Don’t forget: stress and happiness (they are like two side of a coin) are only in your mind, and you can control your mind. For example, remember the law of diminishing returns! If you have a Maruti, you mind will tell you, wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a Tata Estate to drive on weekends, or to go to the farm… Surely it would be. But then additional “goodies” have additional stresses built in, like “uskee saree…!” Man is lucky because his mind is built in such a way that it can provide him comforts against the harsh elements of nature; it is programmable, and it is the individual who “decides” to programme it towards jealousy and envy or happiness and satisfaction. If this were not the case, then it would be impossible to explain how it is that in five–star comfort–far better than Akbar the Great dreamed of–a man has to take “Calmpose,” and sometimes overdoses of Calmpose or even commit suicide. Don’t forget that ten poor people can snore under one blanket while a king may have sleepless nights in his kingdom.
I am of the firm opinion that if we manipulate our mind the common sense way, we can be 90 to 96% stressfree. One has to plan far ahead–3 months to 3 years–to achieve this 90 to 96% stressfree life, i.e. nirvana.
My friend and guru, the late Jim Parker, who had an air –conditioned house, car and office would tour Punjab dealers in June just to see “the lay of the land,” and when I asked him why he does this, he said, “When I travel on the road, I air–condition my mind and with it, heat and dust does not bother me!” From him and friends like him I learnt how to be stressfree. I make it a point to cultivate such friends and then I do a lot of cross –fertilisation, and the result is that I believe more and more in the lines of the famous song, “…I have a little of everything and this little is plenty for me.” Wonderful, is it not? Make your own collection of such songs, even Hindi songs, to your advantage for a stressfree life.
- Pramod Batra, email: thinkinc@vsnl.com
stress management
Posted under Management Resources/ HR
